Its been two years and it feels like it was yesterday. Memories are so weird. You can’t delete them permanently until you erase them from your heart and that, just never happens. And you realize how you have deleted everything and its still there, somewhere in the recycle bin. You try shift+deleting it but the tabs you press are jammed and don’t function anymore. Its a helpless state. Its when you leave everything to time but since you are so persistent on forgetting everything, it becomes like an unattainable goal. You don’t like that state, neither you derive sadistic pleasure out of it nor you feel stuck because of it. But you wanna get out of it cause its moving along with your moving ahead.
Do we live in something cause we’ve made a choice? or Is it simply because we’re trying so hard? I had no answers to my own questions. Despite knowing where the solution lies, i was entangled in the mess. Knowingly or unknowingly, I was committing hurtful mistakes. In my confusion, i did so many things, outcomes of which were miserable but i couldn’t care. I have felt that desperation, that kind of, urge to STOP. Sometimes people, sometimes situations, sometimes myself dint arouse any interest in me that i stand still and picture my life from there. So i kept moving from one one place to another not searching for anything. Cause what i ever wanted was all there, already, in my head. It kept moving along with me, i kept moving along with it.
Time proved to be less of a healer and more of a catalyst. The longing was more intense, the confusion more apparent. There was no going back with no moving forward. Every face looked like his and every place, a place so strange. Giving up on this was not the idea. The idea was to find out. Farewell to all the confusions was a trick to ravel the surprise.
Do people really give up limo for a bus? or Is it that there are still somethings money can’t buy? I gave up on those who called me “life”, for it was his. To some, it was my loss but for me, it was gratification. Of chasing my insight without being empirical. My sense of reasoning was lost. The mundane delight was long shift+deleted from the list of my life..i was yearning for the comfort of my home. The only confusion being, i didn’t know if it was still mine. But a mere glimpse of it in my mind was sufficient to light my light bulbs.
Wait and watch was written in the leafs of destiny. The sudden restlessness and impulse came to a halt. Tomorrow was blurred with the reflection of yesterday.
And, I loved again. But this time, it was not the same.
